Play With Yourself

Author

Rhea Cartwright
April 15, 2023

Playing With Yourself Heals Trauma

Welcome to Hot Girl Breakthrough, where I provide actionable ideas and curated insights to help you do you, but better.

Today’s Breakdown

Question: Have you played recently?

Manifesto: Rules to live by from a sunscreen and tech entrepreneur

Breakthroughs: What I’m Into This Week

Question: When did you last play with yourself?

I promise you, today’s newsletter isn’t about masturbating. I’m sorry if you feel duped but I know an attention-grabbing subject line when I see one.

I’ve recently finished a 12-week programme with hypnotherapist, Jessica Boston. She has changed my life and I’m still in awe of how much progress I made with her help in 3 months.

In one our of sessions, she spoke about the importance of adult play. Not going to lie, I thought she meant sex.

As she quickly got me back on track and explained, adult humans are the only (or one of very few) mammals that don’t continue to engage in play as we age.

Why is this important? Play is an essential tool for retraining our nervous system and restoring our sense of safety. To get somewhat scientific, research suggests that play activates the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is involved in regulating emotions, decision-making, and self-control. Play can increase levels of dopamine and endorphins, which help improve mood and reduce feelings of anxiety and depression.

In simple terms, play enables us to get out of survival mode.

When you consider that as children, we’re wholly encouraged to play and create, why is playful behaviour ironed out of us under the collective guise of growing up and being serious?

Psychiatrist and play-advocate Dr Stuart Brown describes play as time spent without purpose, which in a society obsessed with productivity and making every second count, the idea of doing something just because is altogether quite anxiety-inducing.

Play is the antithesis of productivity. As adults, we’re encouraged, trained and developed to be very good at work. We may eventually rest when we feel the onset of burnout, but when did you last play? When did you do something purely for your own pleasure and enjoyment without caring about the result?

This very good quick read believes that work, play and rest are “not just things that we do, they are also feelings. internalized mindsets.” How we feel when we do any task, be it drawing a picture or creating an Excel spreadsheet can feel like work when our internal, “critical voice is yelling at us), like play (when we’re purely enjoying and seeking personal pleasure), or like rest (when we do it gently and slowly, with attention to our body, and what it needs).”

Your mindset when going into an activity dictates how you will feel about it.

So, how do we actually play?

Firstly, the nature of play doesn’t have to be childlike. If we all had the same childhood, you probably made some “art” out of dry pasta shapes or old loo roll cartons and your mum was wow-ed as if it were the Mona Lisa when you proudly bestowed your masterpiece to her.

You don’t have to do that as a 30-something millennial unless that’s your play of choice. Here is my best tried and tested advice:

1. Find your play style. A bit like love languages, we all have different preferences. Your idea of play might be intellectual rather than whimsical. The only rule is that it brings you joy.

2. Don’t be stush, drop the ego and allow yourself to be silly. You genuinely might feel stupid at first but the great thing about living in a world where everyone is so self-obsessed is that I can promise you nobody cares about what you’re doing.

3. Engage your inner child. What did 7-year-old you love doing but had to give up under the pretence of “growing up”?

4. Schedule your playtime if necessary. I get it, you’re busy, so block time in your calendar for random playful acts. It can be 10 mins on a Monday morning.

5. Make a playlist of bangers. Nothing says joy like music and if time is really that precious, you have 3 minutes to listen to your favourite song from your teens while commuting, working or cooking.

6. Take the heaviness away. View everything as an experiment to take any pressure off. I see my work as play, it helps that I’m hugely passionate about my job but I view any challenges as an opportunity to troubleshoot - like a game. That mindset shift created a huge difference.

I’m personally seeking creative play this weekend and I’m planning to bake a chocolate cake. I came across a sensational-looking recipe in last weekend’s Waitrose newspaper supplement (that might be the most pseudo-middle-class sentence I’ve EVER typed and I’m embarrassed but that’s the truth!). There’s a nostalgic element to using a recipe from print rather than Pinterest.

I want to know how you’re going to play this weekend - let me know here. Unless you really are masturbating, in which case, please keep it to yourself!

10 Rules To Live By

If you don’t know who Marty Bell is, you’ll be familiar with his work. Co-founder of 80s-inspired sunscreen brand, Vacation, which was the evolution of his retro music platform Poolsuite, Bell is a brand master and has an innate skill of creating things the Internet goes wild for.

It’s a 2-minute, easy read of 10 creative rules. I particularly like and have been following his rule to curate inspiration every day.

Breakthroughs

👑 Very excited for the Diva exhibition opening in June at the V&A. Celebrating the “creativity, ambition and resilience” of over 60 icons such as Prince, Grace Jones, Marilyn Monroe and Cher. I’m booking a ticket. Get yours here.

🛍️ I’m after some matching pyjamas to lounge around the house in. Torn between this classic Poplin striped set or this gingham style with very cute collar detail on the shirt.

🎶 Diptyque can do no wrong in my eyes. I tried their recently launched Eau Papier fragrance at our strategy meeting last year, it’s delicious! But I’ve just discovered their Spotify playlist - very chilled & perfect pre-nap vibes on a chilled Sunday.

See you next week!

Rhea x

PS. Thoughts, feedback or just wanna say hi? Email me here

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