Why You Need To Be Selfish

Welcome to Hot Girl Breakthrough, where I provide actionable ideas and curated insights to help you do you, but better.

Today’s Breakdown

Question: Are You Selfish?

I started this newsletter for two reasons:

1. I’m good at motivating people and distilling information in a more digestible way so I figured collating content would be helpful.

2. I wanted a creative outlet that was mine as I haven’t had that in a while and realised how much I missed out.

I don’t “bulk produce” this newsletter even though I know it would be far more efficient and productive if I did. I sit down every Friday night (or early Saturday morning) and start it effectively from scratch. For context, it is now Sunday evening.

I’ve felt like shit the entire week. I’ve had a wobble - a relapse of sorts.

It began last Saturday the 22nd, when I spent all day in the corner of the sofa with zero energy, feeling quite scarily spaced out. Sunday was no better but I pushed myself to work out in an attempt to give me energy.

I got through the work week with two office days but on Wednesday when coming home, I started to have very similar physical symptoms to the life-altering panic attack of December 1st. Just like last time, I was on the bus coming up to Edgware Road and I got off due to feeling so bad.

I sat down outside of Starbucks on Seymour Street to control my breathing, where I booked and proceeded to cancel multiple Ubers because the driver didn’t “look right” to me and I knew that feeling safe and comfortable was paramount. Black cabs were passing but either in the wrong direction or they already had passengers so I had no choice but to sit tight.

And then like a distant mirage, I saw an empty black cab with a woman driver. Her name was Christine and we spoke the entire ride back. My brain and body instantly sought solace from knowing my journey back would be in her hands. I had that innate feeling of safety which I know every woman reading this will relate to.

Fast-forward to today (Sunday 30th April) and I feel ok but not great. I still feel slightly spaced out but that eased after talking to my Dad and my cousin. There is tension in my body but I now have the experience and knowledge to know that feelings in the body are often reminders to make me feel safe. As Jess would say “they’re little soldiers trying to protect you.”

Whilst I can logically understand that, it’s a 3-day weekend in the UK, we had glorious weather yesterday and I spent it in bed. Today, I emigrated to the sofa.

Something I realised very quickly back in December, is that with wellness being heavily commercialised, “self-care” is now intrinsically embedded within capitalist trends. We think wellness is having matcha, doing reformer pilates and getting our nails done. And it kind of is. And yet, it absolutely isn’t.

The definition of self-care is ‘the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one's own health’. For me, the important thing is recognising there is a huge spectrum of the possible actions you undertake. In essence, heavy on the “self”.

On bad days, self-care is getting out of bed and showering - actually fuck the shower, just getting out of bed is sometimes an achievement alone. While on others, it’s an elaborate skincare routine and cooking a nourishing meal. (FYI - I cooked Dauphinoise potatoes from scratch at 8.30pm on Friday night.)

What does self-care mean for you? I created a list of things that energise me and bring me joy. My old boss Sharmadean Reid has often shared a similar concept which inspired me to create my own.

There is no point in creating this list if you won’t be able to find it easily, especially if you’re spiralling and even getting up for a wee feels like too much. Like any piece of writing or note-taking, the crucial element here is access and recall.

I created mine using Notion (I’ve been a Notion girly for yearssss!) and then added a widget shortcut on my phone directly to my list. When I pick my phone up, within seconds I can see my list. Not to exaggerate, but the easy access list has been the best thing I’ve ever done.

It allows me not to have to think when I don’t have the energetic capacity to do so. I know there will be at least one thing I can do - however small or seemingly insignificant to others - which will energise, inspire or relax me.

We’re now in week four of this newsletter, which is an achievement as I don’t think I’ve ever been this consistent with anything before. Without knowing you personally, I don’t how many, if any, of the musings I’ve shared you’ve liked, researched or completed.

But creating your list is wholeheartedly the single most important thing I believe you can do for yourself and future you. Thinking of 20-30 things will be tricky. But do it anyway. Be selfish.

Breakthroughs

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📚️ I’m about to read this book all about how dopamine affects our creativity, sex and love. I’ve become fascinated by this “feel-good” hormone and how the speed and seamlessness of modern life are becoming scarily detrimental to our survival.

See you next week!

Rhea x

PS. Thoughts, feedback or just wanna say hi? Email me here