Have You Been Buried or Planted?

Welcome to Hot Girl Breakthrough, where I provide actionable ideas and curated insights to help you do you, but better.

Today’s Breakdown

Question: Have you been planted?

To heal (verb); to make or become well again.

Four months ago I couldn’t leave the house. I was too scared to eat due to an involuntary choking sensation so sometimes I wouldn’t eat for 2-3 days in a row, at times it got so bad I couldn’t even drink water.

Multiple times a day I thought I was dying. My heart rate was regularly so irregular that I contacted several private clinics to enquire about ECG scans. I had difficulty breathing to the extent that I’d have to do a double breath to get air in. The cherry on top was that my right hand was in a plaster case that made every task difficult to attempt.

In the last four weeks alone, I went to Italy with my mum. I’ve been outside multiple times alone. Last week I did my first public speaking in months. I have eaten in a restaurant.

In the midst of a breakdown, it can be hard to remember what feeling “well” even feels like. Clinging on to a semblance of a former life, with loved ones repeatedly telling you that they're sorry to hear you’re not feeling well and wishing you better, but their words alone don’t have the power to change anything.

In a world where perhaps due to social media praising individual oversharing, so many brave people publicly admit their mental health struggles but so rarely do we see what the healing journey actually looks like. And my god is it ugly. It’s not like when you graze your knee as a child and the scab becomes itchy, nor is it the turning curve of a cold when you can perhaps start to breathe through your nose again.

The ugly middle of a healing journey is bereft of logic. It’s uncomfortably slow in a world that begs us to go fast. You forget an outside world exists because you become bound by the four walls of your brain. You reminisce on all the magical moments you’ve had so far in this sweet life, while simultaneously thinking about all the experiences you missed out on and vow to never say no again for fear of living with regret.

Heal your inner child. Do shadow work. Speak to a therapist. Practice somatic movement. Regulate your nervous system. Cry. Scream. Run. 

Under the umbrella of “doing the work”, the path is already so heavy with possibilities before you even start the journey, at a time when all you really want is a hug and someone to tell you that everything is going to be ok and you will feel normal again - even if you know that that your version of “normal” was anything but, it was merely a coping mechanism. An easy way to survive, without having to trawl up a lifetime of hurt, pain and disappointment. And it’s only in those silent moments with yourself when you can bare your soul and sit in complete honesty, that you can finally admit that you don’t want your old life. You want an end to the exhausting dull ache of worries, anxieties and unprocessed trauma. You want a life that feels balanced.

With wellness now outwardly so intrinsically tied to capitalistic trends, healing is a fervent reminder to never take for granted the things we really need for survival; food, water, rest and love. Four small words with the ability to make or break us, particularly when mental health is on a precipice.

I came across a quote that said:

Never has a quote truly expressed how I felt. From what felt like an absolute rock bottom, I can now clearly see how I’m blossoming after being planted. A seed is only as good as its soil so my priority was addressing my environment.

I feel like I’m on a pilgrimage back to myself. Not entirely back to my “old” self, but a new me.

I don’t know what you’re currently going through in your life but when certainty of life is things always change. Be it a breakdown, heartbreak, grief, feeling lost or unmotivated - regardless of the severity - life has a funny way of showing us things.

There is immense power in letting those emotions out and allowing yourself to feel them freely. Even on those dark days, however long they last, you are going to sprout, grow and blossom too.

Pinterest for Curators

If you like curating and collecting, you need to use Are.na. It sits between a social network and Pinterest but without popularity metrics or invasive ads. Completely free and can be used on desktop or mobile app.

I’m obsessed with it as it allows me to have a home for the many things I find across the Internet but also has such a good search function to see what others have uploaded. Be warned, you will go down a rabbit hole!

Breakthroughs

📺️ Last week I watched the Brooke Shields 2-part documentary, centred on the sexual and commercial objectification of women. It was a unique look at her life and the bizarre world and height of celebrity when there were so few in comparison to today. It’s on Hulu via Disney but also on other streaming sites that might not be legal but I have links if you want to watch.

🍰 If you were here last week, you’ll remember I said I was going to bake a cake. IT WAS THE BEST RECIPE EVER! Ignore the 3.5 rating review. The ganache is dark chocolate which concerned me but the sponge was sweet so it felt balanced. I’m now going to tweak the recipe into a White Chocolate and Pistachio cake - will report back!

See you next week!

Rhea x

PS. Thoughts, feedback or just wanna say hi? Email me here